I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
