all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize