I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
