This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
