When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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