i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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