I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
