so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
