We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
