You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
