I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
