Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
