I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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