Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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