I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I got her a Nickelback box set.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize