I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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