I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize