my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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