I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
