My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
