Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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