whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
