ugly people sure do ruin things
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You made out with two different species that night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
