i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
