Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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