I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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