She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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