Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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