I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
