we're chasing vodka with high fives
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize