Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
