so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
