Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
