I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
