remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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