i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
