I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
