The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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