Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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