Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
