Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We need to get me chipped asap
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
