i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
