I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
