We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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