Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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