similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize