Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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