I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
