He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
