Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
