I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
