There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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