Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
