So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
