He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
