It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
