nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
