Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
