Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
