it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
