so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
