i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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