I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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