i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
