yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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