Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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