Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize