we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
