I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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