thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
