Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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