So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
